I have no doubt that you are mine, babe. You are mine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjQEId0uAFU

I have so many ideas.
I have so many plans.

I lack so much motivation.
I lack so much drive.

The problem with University is that my heart comes before my head.
I am paying to educate myself but my heart wants to run away.
My heart wants friends.
My heart wants a lover.
My heart wants to travel.
My heart wants to drink and dance.
My heart wants to meet new people.
My heart wants to make you jealous.
My heart wants to feel sexy.
My heart wants so much.

My head knows I need to go to school.
My head knows I need to read.
My head knows I need to write the essays.
My head knows what's best.

 But my heart is unwilling to listen.

High-school was easy because in high-school I could satisfy both requirements.

Now I can't.
I have to choose.

There is a war being waged inside me.

Sh*t My Dad Says

#7. Dad: Goodnight, enjoy ruining my sweater!
Me: I'm not ruining your sweater!!!
Dad: Yes, sleeping in clothes ruins them.
(pause)
Me: Well, do you want me to take it off?
Dad: No.

While Driving home from work last night...

I raged. I am so mad at you. I don't care, no I don't give a fuck, if it's fair. Sure, you are only human and you deserve space when you want it, when you "need" it. But when you asked me to be yours you took our relationship to another level. I deserve to know what's going on, you owe that to me. You cannot just put us on pause; you cannot just put life on pause and this is a part of life...we are forever moving forward. I have no idea what is going on for you and therefore I have no sympathy. I am just mad. You surprised me, blind-sided me and I am hurt.

I'm not actually sure I will take you back. And I'm sure that will blind-side you in return. But that's not why I would do it. This is strike two. Strike one was texting your ex-gf 24/7. I am not a controlling bitch so I said nothing because I did not want to give you reason to control who I talk to, what ex's I can be friends with. And also because I thought it was fair. You promised me you were over her and that you were just friends. But for god's sakes, you would stop making out with me to reply to her texts. If this has anything to do with her I really don't know if I can take you back. I don't even trust you right now.

It's ridiculous, but I want to change my relationship status and give you my flowers back. I feel as though I have been broken up with. You cannot just leave me here hovering in no-man's land waiting for you. You cannot just ignore me, pretend that I am not here. I hope you know that when you do finally come to tell me what is happening, whenever that will be, that I will be telling you all of this.

I hope you know what you've done.

I should of known better then to give you my only heart

Yesterday I was feeling insecure about us. I didn't know how you felt but I thought that I was the one bringing all the tension into the relationship. I assumed that I was creating this feeling, because I was insecure.

Today you told me you didn't know how you felt about me. It all became so clear. Why I let myself believe, over and over again, that I am seeing things wrong or imagining your actions I don't know.

Yesterday you wanted to fix everything but you couldn't.

Today I figured out what was wrong inside. Today I fixed everything...except you. I let myself think that I was the problem and that you would be fine and waiting for me when I realized what was wrong. Today you proved me wrong.

Yesterday I was falling in love with you and hoping that you were falling in love with me too. Yesterday  I was scared.

Today I am confused and hurt. My heart is breaking and I am regretting letting myself love you.

I want you to talk to me. I told you that and you said nothing. I am surprised at my reaction to your confusion. You are just a boy who needs time to think. I guess I didn't know how much I loved you until you threatened to leave. I'm reading too much into this. All you asked for was some time to think. But I don't want to let you think; I want to let you talk. Tell me what's happening so that I can have a fighting chance. I have no idea how you feel about me so I have no idea if there's is somebody on my side in your head. I don't even know if you are texting her right now. Why does she get a representative and I do not. Maybe this has nothing to do with her. If it doesn't then I've done something wrong. What did I do wrong? This is why I want to talk to you. How long are you going to make me wait? Are you pretending I do not exist? Are you thinking about me at all? Cause I am certainly thinking about you. If I'd only had an hour with you...

Can I possibly be mad at you when you finally do talk to me if you make me wait? Are we even together right now? Last night I dreamt of another boy he was very nice. I kept thinking of you but I was so mad at you for hurting me. Which is unfair. All you did was ask for space...but maybe you didn't realize how quickly I trust and how quickly I get hurt. I also dreamt that you did text me back. Then I woke up. You hadn't.

Current Shenanigans

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

I'm not sure I love you.

Okay, I do love you.
I'm going to tell you.

I'll wait.
You're not sure about me?
You don't want to hang out?
You're confused?

Answer my text.
Come see me.
Lets talk.
Let me show you how much I love you.
So that you can love me too.

Come back.

Good Intentions

His Intentions were Good.
He saw a problem in the making,
He tried to avoid it.

He made it worse.
His concept of our reaction was way off.
So he lied.
Walked away,
forgot to say,
just where he was going.

We started to wonder
Where did he go?
We called him
"I'm just on a walk" he said
I thought that was weird.
"It's not weird" he said.
"do you want me to come back?" he said

"Yes of course, but tell me,
Why did you leave? Without a word?"
Silence.
He had hung up.
He came back.
Everything was normal.

But we saw through his lie
Always do
He thinks he has to hide
stay taboo

But he's wrong.
He's making it worse.
He looks like an ass,
though his intentions were good.

Time Warp

Everything has gone speeding backwards. You and me are back to where we were weeks ago. This sounds negative as I write it down...but it's a good thing. It's like I'm being given a second chance...now if only I didn't have quite so much homework...

Wait for me while I write essays, please! :D